A BT rant. Sorry.

I’ll bet Sir Christopher Bland never loses his Broadband connection and enters that strange ‘Groundhog Day’ loop known as BT Technical support and as a result almost loses the will to live. The problem’s no nearer getting resolved either and oh, was that more money leaving my bank account for 3 days service not received? Again.

So here at the top of my low mountain I’m not a happy bunny tonight. My initial frustration, that of inexplicable loss of Broadband connection, is now compounded by my dealings with so-called BT Technical Support. I can just feel the steam coming from my ears – automated calls – press button this, press button that, wait 20 minutes, listen to the jangly music. Change the micro-filter. (We all have a spare micro-filter lying around don't we?) Try the master socket, remove the cover (find screwdriver) and try the test-socket. Get cut off. I want to talk to a person not hear platitudes. This is not service. This is rubbish treatment. (I'll guarantee that the Sales and Payment options aren't as alienating as this.)

Three lengthy telephone calls to ‘Technical Support’ have resulted in nothing, ‘nada’, ‘diddly squat’ and ‘sod all’. Subsequent calls to various UK customer services, much button pushing, several long waits, rants and explanations later I get to talk to another Ranjeev – who tells me that my ‘issue’ has been marked as ‘cleared’. Not. Basically I’ve been lied to. Three times. He promises to take action and get me an engineer. I wish I believed him but have now entered such a sceptical mode that I wouldn’t be at all surprised if nothing happened.

Which is why I should like to hold Sir Christopher to account. I wonder if he is sitting in corporate state at BT Centre, 81 Newgate Street, London EC1A 7AJ in smug confidence that all is fine and dandy, confident that the profits are rolling in and the bonus is assured for the coming financial year? Wouldn’t you just like to kick the ass of some fat cats? I considered getting some of my agricultural chums and a load of slurry - just so he'd know what it was like to feel like shit too - but decided that was too much like harassment. And I'm not that sort of person.

But I shall be writing to him, with little hope of a reply. His address is above if you also feel the urge to tell BT what you think about them.

I’m writing this up with the hope of pasting it in at a later date, and in the meantime hoping that the connection will miraculously and inexplicably reappear.

Let’s face it - a miracle will probably be quicker than waiting for the man in the van from ‘Open Reach’. At this point my frustration at dealing with this lying, button-pushing, ineffectual oranisation is greater than that caused by the loss of service.

PS. The connection did miraculously reappear - QED. No thanks to BT at home or abroad. Some dusky maiden from 'BT Fault's Department' phoned and we went through the identification, plugging and unplugging ritual. She then cut herself off and has not reappeared since.