A Dior clad model graces the cover of this Sunday's Style supplement. She is beautiful and statuesque. A peony in her hat matches the liberally applied pink shadow around her eyes and the bow that is her lips. Her dress - the colours of green and blue in springtime - is gorgeous. This is fantasy land but we can all dream.
So thus enticed I fell upon the magazine, promising as it did to 'Unleash my Fashion Mojo.' After all we all need to cut loose from that utilitarian jeans and T-shirt combo from time to time and this article might just be that spur to more creative dressing. Ha! As if.....
First up my eye was caught by Shane Watson's article 'It's all pants' - the essence of which, after meandering round the Sienna Miller-wears-big-pants-over-tights shock-horror - seemed to be that clothes are what you wear, but fashion is about the way you wear them. And if I read it correctly you can only achieve that cutting edge (whatever) look if you really don't give a damn.
The column concludes:
'Contrary to what you might think that is why it is so hard to be good at fashion beyond your forties. It's not necessarily that you look pants in the clothes, it's that you are too concerned with making the most of what you've got to play the game with any conviction. The moment you start caring about how sexy you look (and if you're going to be warm enough later), it's pretty much over.'
Two pages in and I might as well close the magazine now.
Anyway, on to unleashing my mojo; apparently I don't have to be young, skinny, rich or pampered. (That's good news because I don't score highly in any of those categories.) I do need to have confidence in my appearance and I have to work my style mojo - my smojo. (My what?)
I am reminded that if I feel I look sexy and unique, then anything is possible.....Now bear in mind the previous article and this 'sexy' reference turns out to be the second of many in this one. ('The wifebeater vest - it's a definative, sexy, effortless bit of unisex clothing.' 'Be a femme fatale in a turned up collar on windy days.' 'The all-occasion throw-on dress - There's nothing more instant than getting 'dressed' You don't need anything else. Its just pure sexiness.....')
Sexiness and allure are apparently very covetable attributes. Now I am confused.
Anyway - cut to the chase. What do I need in terms of kit? I was doing quite well - ticking lots of things off on the must-have list. Soft, natural fibres - tick. Camisole tops etc - tick? Basic jewellery - tick. Cashmere jumper - tick. Black opaque tights - tick. Ballet pumps ditto. Jeans ditto. White shirt - yep. Accessories - yep. Painter's trousers. Painter's trousers?......a great undiscovered fashion secret. You can get them at most hardware stores, and they are always a great cut. Big and summery, they crumple beautifully.
And sadly, thenceforward, the list and I parted company. But I might dash out tomorrow to Boyes and Bowden to see if I can rustle up a Donkey Jacket and the aforesaid Painter's trousers before visiting Welshpool's 7 charity shops in search of that classic but iconic tracky jacket and some jewellery for peacock-like seduction. (sic)
And don't forget readers - 'Headgear - it frames your face.'