Remember those puzzles which were like little screens with tiles inside? They fell out of Christmas crackers and to pieces soon afterwards? Plastic, clattery-noised? What were they called? I can't for the life of me remember. The point was to shunt the tiles around to make a picture - left, right, up, down, click-clack, shift-shuffle; what a waste of time and space they were. Ditto the Rubik's Cube, only that had another dimension the better to confuse.
Well, the greenhouse is a bit like that at present; to put down a tomato one must first move a courgette - which necessitates shifting an aubergine. Then, for heaven's sake a tray, of lettuce is in the way.........Sigh. Everything circulates and at the end of the process you end up exactly where you started but slightly more disheveled and wild eyed.
Two weeks ago everything was neatly contained in seed trays on the bench - then the process of moving those babes up the housing ladder began. Having got a bit more space they grew into it and it's time to move on and up again. Tiny pots, medium pots and finally great big 'uns. (Just like raising a family - thank goodness they don't have their friends round.) We're bursting at the seams and anticipating that magic moment 'when the possibility of frost is past' and anything tender can go outdoors. Realistically the possibility of frost is remote but our local prophets of doom warn, with shake of head and sharp intake of breath, that 8 inches of snow in May is not unknown 'up 'ere', adding 'never have a runner bean above ground before June....' So I take heed and practise patience.
I love this nurturing process; the tending, the pricking out and potting on. I like the neat rows of pots with plants reaching maturity and fulfilling their destiny. I've done my best for them. But right now it's a muddle - it's a jungle in there and I've have reached the stage - like all mothers I guess - when I wish they'd all just leave home a give me a bit of space!
Showing posts with label greenhouse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label greenhouse. Show all posts
Monday, May 14, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Bad Greenhouse
I learned a long time ago never to volunteer and really should know better - but find myself saying every time: 'Of course I'll help, no problem........'
Which is why today I was to be found in helpful mode, lending a hand in a friend's greenhouse-building project. To be more precise this was my third outing with spanner, screwdriver and ever diminishing reserves of patience. And the Thing is no nearer completion.
I should have known from the outset when L. proudly displayed the nascent greenhouse in the form of assorted bits of aluminium and plastic ranged haphazardly on a barn floor that this was not going to be straightforward. There were XL1s, 2s, 3s and 4s and a 5, XL1-Ss, XL5s, XL55s and 56s, 128 flanged 8mm screws with hex nuts, 130 8mm self-tapping screws, 8 slotted screws and 8 square plates, D4s (x 8), a pair of angles, SANs 12, 13, 16, and 17, CTs and WTs - 88 and 87 and a solitary D147. A numbers' game. It wasn't immediately obvious what any of the pieces were or how, by joining them together we'd form a greenhouse.
OK. Have a cup of tea and read the instructions. Never trust a set of instructions that don't give you a list of tools required but do suggest that a table knife will be handy.....Second up; on my List of Never Trusts come the words: 'If after a period of time your panes work loose, tweak them back into place.' There's a technical term for you. Tweak. And I recommend if those pesky panes do work loose you'd better be quick off the mark in the tweaking department as due to its insubstantial construction a strong gust of wind will blow this greenhouse right into the next parish.
We identify some bits of aluminium and begin the task of bolting them together with the minuscule 8mm flanged screws and the things we have decided are hex-bolts - not helped by painfully inadequate working drawings and instructions that read like algebraic code. L's enthusiasm has waned a bit and I have decided that were this my greenhouse it would be shipped back to Norfolk Greenhouses. Now. PDQ (With a covering letter to the MD using words like: 'suitable for purpose? I think not.' In bold type.)
After many putting togethers and taking aparts we end the afternoon with the finished front and back frames leaned against the barn. Our fingers are sore from screwing and unscrewing the minuscule 8mm flanged screws and in need of comfort we go and eat cake.
Day 2 sees the framework completed - well, we think it's completed but there are a lot of bits of aluminium left over. Doors; aha! they must be door components. And those are window bits. L.'s enthusiasm has returned. But it has been a hard slog. We offer things up this way and that. Nothing is clear. We take stock and look at the instructions for tomorrow's job of 'Applying the Trim and Glazing'. OMG. The last of the afternoon sun leaves us feeling chilly, our fingers are sore and we are in need of comfort. We eat more cake.
And today we set about Trimming and Glazing - which involved trapping plastic sheets in plastic trim which clips onto the aluminium frame. (The table knife was very useful at this stage.) We manage to 'glaze' both sides - which sounds impressive but there's an awful lot more to do. We're not finished yet. My heart sinks at the prospect.
Most of me wants to help my friend out with her greenhouse - for which she has paid hard-earned folding money. The rest of me wants to rant about awful-dreadful-terrible design, cheap-shoddy components and indecipherable instructions, all of which combine to take a pair of capable people an inordinate amount of time to make into an insubstantial substandard piece of kit. Rage, growl, snarl, grumble.....a hearty curse on all purveyors of bad design
Which is why today I was to be found in helpful mode, lending a hand in a friend's greenhouse-building project. To be more precise this was my third outing with spanner, screwdriver and ever diminishing reserves of patience. And the Thing is no nearer completion.
I should have known from the outset when L. proudly displayed the nascent greenhouse in the form of assorted bits of aluminium and plastic ranged haphazardly on a barn floor that this was not going to be straightforward. There were XL1s, 2s, 3s and 4s and a 5, XL1-Ss, XL5s, XL55s and 56s, 128 flanged 8mm screws with hex nuts, 130 8mm self-tapping screws, 8 slotted screws and 8 square plates, D4s (x 8), a pair of angles, SANs 12, 13, 16, and 17, CTs and WTs - 88 and 87 and a solitary D147. A numbers' game. It wasn't immediately obvious what any of the pieces were or how, by joining them together we'd form a greenhouse.
OK. Have a cup of tea and read the instructions. Never trust a set of instructions that don't give you a list of tools required but do suggest that a table knife will be handy.....Second up; on my List of Never Trusts come the words: 'If after a period of time your panes work loose, tweak them back into place.' There's a technical term for you. Tweak. And I recommend if those pesky panes do work loose you'd better be quick off the mark in the tweaking department as due to its insubstantial construction a strong gust of wind will blow this greenhouse right into the next parish.
We identify some bits of aluminium and begin the task of bolting them together with the minuscule 8mm flanged screws and the things we have decided are hex-bolts - not helped by painfully inadequate working drawings and instructions that read like algebraic code. L's enthusiasm has waned a bit and I have decided that were this my greenhouse it would be shipped back to Norfolk Greenhouses. Now. PDQ (With a covering letter to the MD using words like: 'suitable for purpose? I think not.' In bold type.)
After many putting togethers and taking aparts we end the afternoon with the finished front and back frames leaned against the barn. Our fingers are sore from screwing and unscrewing the minuscule 8mm flanged screws and in need of comfort we go and eat cake.
Day 2 sees the framework completed - well, we think it's completed but there are a lot of bits of aluminium left over. Doors; aha! they must be door components. And those are window bits. L.'s enthusiasm has returned. But it has been a hard slog. We offer things up this way and that. Nothing is clear. We take stock and look at the instructions for tomorrow's job of 'Applying the Trim and Glazing'. OMG. The last of the afternoon sun leaves us feeling chilly, our fingers are sore and we are in need of comfort. We eat more cake.
And today we set about Trimming and Glazing - which involved trapping plastic sheets in plastic trim which clips onto the aluminium frame. (The table knife was very useful at this stage.) We manage to 'glaze' both sides - which sounds impressive but there's an awful lot more to do. We're not finished yet. My heart sinks at the prospect.
Most of me wants to help my friend out with her greenhouse - for which she has paid hard-earned folding money. The rest of me wants to rant about awful-dreadful-terrible design, cheap-shoddy components and indecipherable instructions, all of which combine to take a pair of capable people an inordinate amount of time to make into an insubstantial substandard piece of kit. Rage, growl, snarl, grumble.....a hearty curse on all purveyors of bad design
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