Monday, October 15, 2007

If I ruled the world....

A couple of weeks ago I watched the wonderful 'Passport to Pimlico' - one of Ealing Studio's finest. Stanley Holloway and Margaret Rutherford, a cast of Cockney stereotypes, bomb craters and plucky post-war Brits. Children being clipped round the ear without a social worker in sight - you know the sort of thing. On reflection - and seeing how it all panned out in the end - it was probably an exercise to demonstrate that deviating too far from the machinations of Whitehall was not a good idea. A great film though. Much food for thought........

I've mulled it over for the past fortnight and well, I've got the germ of an idea! And what a great idea it is methinks! Stop taking things for granted and declare independence. I could be King - or Queen - of an empire of approximately 6 acres. This could be the sparsely populated 'People's Republic of Trelystan'. (I think we'll shade our nation pale blue on the map. I like pale blue.) Can anyone think of a good idea why I can't be head of my own independent state? Is there any sound reason why I have to be part of England or Wales?

There will be a few practical implications but none insurmountable. We will harvest our own water (before we generously allow the surplus to drain downhill and supply Severn Trent). We will have sculptural windmills to generate electricity and a compost heap of municipal proportions. Other stuff; sewage, rubbish and the lane we seem to sort out for ourselves anyway - and we've not seen a policeman or streetlight since we arrived. So no change there then.

Foreign policy? We won't be having an army and A. has been told to keep his catapult in the gun cabinet. I expect we'll invade a Greek island periodically - but we come in peace and expectation of kalimari and cold beer.

What would my nation be like? I quite like it as underpopulated as it is - so visas would be very difficult to obtain. (DNA matches or historical precedence necessary perhaps and sheep welcomed as migrant workers.) Paperwork will be kept to a minimum. I have a very nice rubber stamp of a dove which I might use to endorse the odd document. The arts will be funded generously and infinitives split only rarely. It would be a peaceable kingdom too.

Once a year - at the state opening of parliament - I will put on a posh frock and my most gorgeous pearls, invite our friends to dinner and make a speech - the words of which will be scattered by the 4 winds onto the fields and flowers. My speech will begin:

......Floreat Trelystan!
Edward Hicks - A Peaceable Kingdom

Edited to add:
'Simple Gifts'

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.'

When true simplicity is gain'd
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right.'


ChrisH said...

May you be queen of all you survey - enjoy your realm!

Wipso said...

Hmmm I rather like the idea of being seamstress to the queen.

Suffolkmum said...

Yes, enjoy your sovereignity. Nice idea. Loved the poem at the end.

snailbeachshepherdess said...

Does this mean I need to get a glass carriage and six white horses for our trip out? Brilliant piece of writing and lovely poem.

Hannah Velten said...

You can be my Queen any day (if you will allow incoming subjects!)- your kingdom sounds lovely. Mootia x

Anonymous said...

Excellent idea! Especially the one about less paperwork - always music to my ears being in the farming industry!

Crystal xx

The Eyechild said...

I can run your London embassy from my bedroom if you like. I've got a phone and a desk and everything.

lampworkbeader said...

Go for it! I love the idea. I haven't got much space otherwise I'd be copying you.

LittleBrownDog said...

Love Passport to Pimlico (if only for the immortal lines "I'd almost forgotten what it feels like, handling a lobster"). Lovely idea of a miniature realm - could we come and visit, though?

mutterings and meanderings said...


If I'd didn't already live on Planet M&M, I'd ask for a visa.

Totty Teabag said...

There I was, looking forward to dispatches from a small enclave of Absolute Monarchy on the Borders, when I came to the words "Opening of Parliament". Are you sure about this? Do you really want Sir Khaki Campbell, Honorable Member for the North West Corner of the Big Field trying to dictate how much you should be allowed to spend on wellies? Dear Queenie, please reconsider...I am sure you can come up with other reasons for dolling up and airing the family about the State Opening of the Summerhouse? Or a Grand Reception in honour of the start of the onion pickling season? By all means let your Prince Consort advise you, but don't give in to this modern idea of Democracy!

PS I am willing to be your Honorary Consul to the Iberian Peninsula, its Islands and Realms beyond the Mediterranean.

bodran... said...

Hi, i;ve just done a catchup..It was brill to see you again last week, and may we all meet again soon..Really enjoyed your blogs, and theres nothing quite a walk on a dark night with a white dog xxx

mountainear said...

No need for knee bending and forelock tugging......consider yourselves knighted one and all.

Particular thanks to the eyechild for his offer to host my Embassy in London. And TTB - a willing volunteer is worth more than a pressed slave - I graciously accept your offer to take up Spanish Consular duties. I don't expect holders of either office will lose much sleep.

...I do think we should have a Parliament. Democracy and all that. We can do all sorts of opeings and Special Ocassions. Any excuse for a party.

'(Insert deity of choice) save the Queen'

Pondside said...

Hail Mountainear Regina! I thought you'd want to know that suitable accomodation for your Vancouver Island Consulate have been secured (the guest suite on the back of my house!) and that I'll be right over for the official presentation of my diplomatic credentials as soon as you send me a laissez passer!
I remain Your Majesty's Humble etc etc etc

Twiglet said...

"Seamstress to the queen" - well I know she made a full set of the "Queen's knickers" - maybe she will update her stock for you. Ask her next time you call - there was a pair for all occasions.